Survivor: Shy Guy Beach
by metamidnight
Summary: Hey, I added another chapter! R&R! And thank you all for all the positive reviews! I'm very happy you liked the first chapter!
1. Chapter 1: We meet and we go

(Open to studio. Cheering and applause ensue. Mario, Luigi, Peach, Pikachu, Pichu, Mewtwo, Fox, Falco, Nana and Popo, Link, Zelda, Kirby, Samus, DK, Mr. Game and Watch, and Yoshi come to the stage and sit in 2 groups.)  
  
Announcer: Welcome to Survivor: Shy Guy Beach Reunion! Here is the Ulaho and the Moloka tribes. They were sent an ivitation 8 months ago to ask them to participate in a contest of stamina, power, and SANITY!!! (crowd goes wild). There was:  
  
DK, the steroid loving monkey,  
  
Mario, the guy with the attention span of his glove,  
  
Luigi, the cynical basketcase,  
  
Peach, the slap-happy blonde,  
  
Pikachu, the wannabe dictator,  
  
Mewtwo, the other wannabe dictator,  
  
Pichu, the dictator in training,  
  
Fox, the paranoid animal man,  
  
Falco, the maniacal bird guy who has MAJOR issues,  
  
Nana, the alpha-female who is glued to Popo,  
  
Popo, Nana's dog and/or friend who is glued to Nana,  
  
Link, the self conscious married man,  
  
Zelda, the scitzophrenic beauty,  
  
Kirby, the geinus, and also the only sane one here,  
  
Samus, the coffee hogging warrior woman,  
  
Mr. Game and Watch, the speechless man with anger issues,  
  
And Yoshi, the all loving dinosaur who you hate to love.  
  
As we can see from these videos, the "fun" started even before we got there. Let's take a look, shall we? (YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!)  
  
(Switch to monitor, far away shot of a boat gets gradually closer and locks onto Mario and Peach holding hands.)  
  
Mario: Wow.  
  
Peach: I know, isn't it beautiful?  
  
Mario: Wow.  
  
Peach: Are you okay? Are you seasick or something? TELL ME!!!  
  
Mario: Wow.  
  
(Peach starts tearing out her hair and turns around to look at Mario's red face staring at Zelda.)  
  
Peach: (gasp) Mario!? WAHHHAHHH...sniffle...STAY AWAY, YOU ALBINO HARPY! And as for you, Mario...  
  
(Camera backs away from the boat and fades to black as an ear-splitting SLAP sounds. Returns to cabin 4, where Nana and Popo are sitting. Popo has a large black box on his leg, and Nana is holding a remote.)  
  
Nana: Why, what a great day we're having, isn't it Popo? (Popo remains silent.) HEY, I ASKED A QUESTION!!! (Presses button) ZZZZAP  
  
Popo: AHHHHHH!!!...yes, it is...  
  
Nana: Yes it is, WHAT? (ZZZZAP)  
  
Popo: WAHHHHHHHAHHHH!!!...yes it is, mistress, yes it is mistress!  
  
Nana: Better...(smiles slyly) (ZZZZAP[OWIEOWIEOWIE!]) oops...i'm sorry...snicker  
  
(Camera zooms into island. Contestants get off and walk to Jenny, their host.)  
  
Jenny: (British accent) Hello, I'm Jenny. If you remember my voice, I've hosted a lot of shows, so lets move shall we?  
  
Yoshi: Boy, what an introduction...--; She's hot, though. Oh well. I wonder why British chicks always host these shows?  
  
Mewtwo: Wow, there are lots of people here. ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION!!! I mean...Mewtwo.  
  
Pichu: Chu...chu...(Pichu, who is prone to seasickness, goes to the back of the house to puke.)  
  
Pikachu: Damnit, child! How do I teach you to take over the world if you puke all the time! I mean...Pikachu! (winks at mewtwo)  
  
Mr. Game and Watch (AFTER THIS, WILL BE CALLED MR. GW): Bleep bleep bong boop ping.  
  
Zelda: There is no need for bad language, beanpole! And you DO NOT call a lady that word! (steaming)  
  
Link: Calm down honey. Remember what your therapist said...  
  
Zelda: I DO!!! (eyes turn red and hair gets shorter)  
  
Link: NOOOO! (zips Zelda up in a bag and slings it over his sholder) I AM NOT WORTHY! WAHHHHHHHAHHHH! (runs)  
  
Jenny: GOD PEOPLE, ARE YOU MAD? I SWEAR, YOU'LL MAKE ME GO SIXES AND SEVENS!!!  
  
DK: OHHH, solitare! My favorite!  
  
Samus: Betternotplaywiththejungledeckagainorhe'llgethomesickandstartcrying!  
  
DK: I told you not to tell, you bean juicer!  
  
Samus: IcanifIwantyoubabybesidewhatswrongwith10expressosadayiwillbereallyreadyforth ebrainandthoselittlegreenblobthingsigottastayawakeyouknowdon'tyounoticethati alwaysgoatnight...  
  
Everyone: SHUT UP!!!  
  
DK & Samus: GRRGRR I'LL GET YOU!  
  
(Everyone one is giving everyone else the death glare, while thunder strikes)  
  
Jenny: Let's go inside, shall we? (steps into a beautiful beach condo on the site of the sea, and there are Shy Guys fluttering around all over. Everyone follows except for Kirby)  
  
Kirby: Did anyone else see the thunder? Come on, people! COME ON!!!  
  
(They enter the house and Fox and Falco have their blasters out.)  
  
Fox: Look out for enemies!  
  
Falco: Right!  
  
Mr. GW: Bleep boop bloop! (tries to flip the bird, but has no fingers, so he slumps over and sits back down.)  
  
Samus: JeezusfreakinChristyouguysareallcrazyandihateyouallgotanycoffee?  
  
Kirby: You should lower your caffeine intake. You should also excersize more, and...  
  
Samus: Ahhhwhaddayouknowyourjuststupidlivingbubblegumspeakingofbubblegumdidyouevert rythecoffeekinditsgreat!  
  
Zelda: (in sack) MMMMMmmmmblubblubrhubarbARGHHH!!!  
  
Fox: AH! Living bubble gum!  
  
(blasts Kirby)  
  
Kirby: YOU PARANOID BAAAAAaaaastard!!!  
  
(Kirby flies away)  
  
Falco: AH!! uh...uh...plumber!  
  
(BANG)  
  
Mario: OY! My buns burn like Mamma Mia's mexican pizza!  
  
Fox: --;  
  
Falco: What? I'm lonely! YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND!!! (Falco sqirms out in fetal position)  
  
Link: Whoa...he's almost like Zelda! (turns around and sees Zelda) Hi honey, are you better now?  
  
Zelda: Yeah, i saw this hole in the bag and the little light reminded me of that ug...i man, beautiful triangle on our hands and it was cool and...  
  
Link: COOL DOWN! You're starting to sound like pan panties over there.  
  
(Luigi comes in panting)  
  
Announcer(voice over): Luigi had to paddle because he had no money.  
  
Luigi:(dilerious) Row, Row, Row my boat, all the way here...oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, sharks fill me with fear...  
  
Mario: OH NO, IT'S DONNY OSMOND RHYMING SYNDROME!!! MEDIC, MEDIC!!!  
  
(audience laughs, Camera takes a wide crowd shot, then goes back to the monitor)  
  
Jenny: We will have a contest of skill. (dum dum dum) It will consist of two teams! We have split the teams to the maximum efficiency possible. (dum dum dum)  
  
(Jenny shakes)  
  
But, you do get to pick one person that is left over for your team. Team Ulaho has won the coin toss. Team Ulaho, YOU ARE: Kirby, Samus, DK, Mr. GW, Mario, Peach, and Mewtwo. Team Moloko, YOU ARE: Fox, Falco, the Ice Climbers, Pikachu, Pichu, Link, and Zelda. Left is Luigi and Yoshi, Team Ulaho, who will you choose?  
  
Ulaho chooses Yoshi.  
  
Luigi: NO FAIR!!! This always happens, especially at the video game stores! BOO HOO!  
  
Moloko gets Luigi.  
  
Jenny: Since you are 16 people, we must vote to knock somone off. We only have room for 15. You must vote! (dum dum dum) STOP IT DK, UNLESS YOU WANT THOSE BONGOS SHOVED WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!!!  
  
Kirby: Stop! My ears are virgin!  
  
Mewtwo: And that ain't the only part of him...HAHAHAHAHAXD  
  
DK: God, i swear...I'll be...um...right back.  
  
(DK leaves and grabs a bag)  
  
(After 43 minutes, the tribes picked one of the opposite team members to go. Team Moloko picks Luigi because he's a basketcase. Team Ulaho chooses DK because mad British chicks are SCARY! [you all know what i mean...XD])  
  
Jenny: We have... DK and Luigi!  
  
Luigi: You all hate me! sniffle...sniffle...  
  
(DK is sneaking in with a bag of caulking guns)  
  
DK: Did you say my name? I have to use these horse steroi...i mean, redecorating tools...heh heh...;  
  
Samus: Horsesteroiimeanredecoratingtools? IsthatGermanorsomethingwhatisitisitcolorful?  
  
(group facepalm)  
  
Yoshi: Who likes apples?  
  
(crickets chirp)  
  
DK: That was random...  
  
READER: Please choose your least favorite of these two. E-mail their name and an opinion of or suggestions for this fan fic to Metamidnight13wmconnect.com. YOU DECIDE!!! 


	2. Chapter 2: Well, you were here for 1 iss...

Chapter 2: Well, You Were Here For 1 Issue  
  
(Commercials end and logo appears. Samus is helping herself to a cup of WE- DARE-YOU-TO-SLEEP brand coffee, and DK is holding a needle, which he quickly hides behind his back.)  
  
Announcer: If you left us early, the out was between DK and Luigi. We will return to the monitor now.  
  
(Camera goes to monitor)  
  
Jenny: Well, the results are in. Even though it was late, thanks to you DAMN FLORIDANS!!! (Actually, I love you, thanks for the alligator skin purse!) Anyway, the winner, (or loser, rather) is...  
  
(Tha-thump Tha-thump Tha-thump)  
  
Jenny: LUIGI!!!  
  
Luigi: (steaming) I had to...paddle all the way here...and you VOTE ME OFF?!?! DAMN YOU, READERS, DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!! (foaming at the mouth now) I AM GOING TO SUE YOUR DILLY WHITE ASSES!!! I HAVE O.J. SIMPSON'S LAWYER!!! (walks out slowly and then snaps) There are. Little sicssor people. In my mind. They. Make me do. Bad things. (runs)  
  
Jenny: Woah, that was...um...uh...well...wow. Good job, DK! coughthanksforthe20cough  
  
(Everyone agrees)  
  
Jenny: Well, with one gone, I guess that leaves the rules. Every week, there will be a challenge. Every month, there will be one voted off. Then, at 8 months, we would have...(thinks)...7 left. The teams would be grouped according to handicap, and we would have one last challenge to decide the winner. How is that?  
  
(Mumbles, whispers, and rhubarb come from the players)  
  
Everyone: OK!  
  
Jenny: Alright, the first challenge is tommorow, so rest up!  
  
(Everyone files out. Music plays as the camera fades into the house. We see all the players sitting on different couches. Samus is in the kitchen making coffee, Peach is glued to Mario (both are glaring at Zelda), Nana is playing with the remote, Popo's screams are coming from the closet, DK is rummaging through his bag, and the Pokemon Gang is hanging out in the corner.)  
  
Pikachu: Okay, Pichu. If someone tells you to destroy a building, what attack would you use?  
  
Pichu: Pichu chu chu pi!  
  
Mewtwo: WHO ATTACKS A BUILDING WITH CAKE?!?!  
  
Pikachu: Pichu, you need to learn how do NOT BE A COMPLETE DUMBASS!!! You attack a building with Thunder.  
  
(ZZZZZZAP! The 2 Pokemon are lying on their backs, scortched, except for Pichu, who is scratching it's ear.)  
  
Pikachu: NOT NOW!!!  
  
Mewtwo: Actually, I think you're a building sometimes. You're fat, stupid, and you never move. (snicker)  
  
Pikachu: You want to settle this?  
  
Mewtwo: OUTSIDE, BUTTERBALL!!!  
  
(Both dash outside. The fridge is tinkling while Pichu brings out a piece of carrot cake.)  
  
Pichu: Pi pichu!  
  
(Fox catches Pichu and calls Falco.)  
  
Fox: DROP THE CAKE, RAT!!!  
  
Falco: Yeah, youse! Drop it!  
  
(Pichu drops the plate and looks at the 2 animal people. It stares for a sec, then sits. Fox and Falco, still holding their blasters, are puzzled.)  
  
Fox: You're crazy! Doesn't it feel scary to be on the end of a blaster?  
  
(LEER)  
  
Falco: (eye twitches) Stop...it...quit...ARGHHH! (tears hair out and runs away)  
  
(LEER)  
  
Fox: Jeez, fine! Freaky little bastard...  
  
(Fox walks away.)  
  
Pichu: PI PI CHU!!! (Works every time!)  
  
(Pichu pounces on the cake. The camera switches to outside, where Pikachu and Mewtwo are having a Pokemon battle.)  
  
Pikachu: Thunder! (ZZZZZAP! Mewtwo is black and it is coughing) How's that for stupid and fat?  
  
Mewtwo: Confusion! (catches Pikachu off-guard and Pikachu gets smashed against a banyan tree) We haven't even started yet, donut puncher!  
  
Pikachu: Stop calling me names! Besides, you can't hurt me, cause I'm cute! WAAAAAAAAAaaaaaa! (Goes flying because Mewtwo used Skull Bash)  
  
Mewtwo: (devilish grin) Wanna bet? Hahaha! (walks in to find Pichu gulping down carrot cake) DAMN YOU CHILD!!! I said no cake! Wait, this is perfect! What a good prank! Put that in the hall! (takes the cake [no pun intended] and puts it in the hall. )  
  
Pichu: (eyes watery) pi...pichu..CHUUUHUUHU!!! (cries)  
  
(camera zooms onto Samus, who is looking for Nana because she needs someone to talk to. She walks into the hall and finds the piece of cake in a closet.)  
  
Samus: Wowlookit'scakeihopeit'scoffeecakebecauseithasthewordcoffeeinit!  
  
(Samus grabs the cake and the door of the closet shuts and locks, so she can't get out.)  
  
Mewtwo: HAHAHAHA!!! Oh boy, am I good! (stops laughing)...and now I don't care. (goes to see where Pikachu landed)  
  
(The camera goes to Pikachu being poked, punched, and kicked by numberous Shy Guys.)  
  
Pikachu: GAWD, ARE YOU PEOPLE EVERYWHERE?! Jeez, cameramen, give me some privacy while I'm being EATEN ALIVE, WILL YA?!  
  
(Camera quickly goes back to Samus in the closet. Suddenly, somethings shifts and we see...a blue hood pop out of the darkness.)  
  
Popo: Hi, I'm Popo and I have an extremely abusive wife, can you help?  
  
Samus: SureI'mabountyhunterjusttellmewhattokillandIkillthat'smyjobnodoubtaboutieven tifyouasksomeguy"Whoisthebestbountyhunterintheworld"he'dsay"OhthatSamuschick "andIwouldbelike"Don'tcallmeachick"andthenIwouldblasthisass.  
  
Popo: Please, kill her! She plagues my (ZZZZAP) ...YEEEEEOUCH!!!  
  
Samus: SheplaguesyourZZZZAPYEEEEEOUCHohjeezhowhorribleshemustdie!  
  
Popo: (weakly) ...Thanks...  
  
(Camera switches to Link and Zelda walking to their rooms.)  
  
Zelda: You know, that 8-bit freak pisses me off. He called me a "bleep boop"! How dare he! That makes me so mad, I could... (breathes) ...Plus that blonde bimbo, she was so mad at me just because I'm prettier than her.  
  
Link: Nice save, hun. But, we need to find a way to deal with your "problem". Maybe there's a secret island cure or something. Let's go to bed.  
  
(Camera moves out of monitor and to announcer.)  
  
Announcer: We have a sheduled time limit, SO...one month later...  
  
(Camera moves back to outside as the sun rises and all the players come out their houses. They all move to a platform next to a beach and meet Jenny.)  
  
Jenny: How are you all? We will start our first challenge right here on the beach. This challenge is called "The Houdini Dive"! The object is: Jump off of the 100 ft. tower over there, tied in a straight jacket, and try to escape. If you simply can't, detach your safety line and fall to the trampoline. The one who frees him/herself the fastest wins. First up is ZELDA!!!  
  
Zelda: I'm an expert at this! (gets tied up) Ah, home at last!  
  
Link: Unfortunatly...GO HONEY!!! Score one for the team!  
  
Jenny: 3, 2, 1, GO!!!  
  
(Zelda jumps off and bites at the rope. She gets her hands free, then unties her feet. Finally, she unties all the knots on her body, and then she detaches her hook. She lands on the trampoline below with a time of 00:45.)  
  
Zelda: WHOOOHOOO! IN YOUR FACE!!! YEAH YEAH YEAH!  
  
Jenny: Nice! Next is Mr. GW!  
  
(Mr. Game and Watch goes to the tower to get tied up. He jumps, but slips out of the jacket, giving him a time of 00:02.)  
  
Mario: ALRIGHT GW!!!  
  
Peach: Yay!!! Great job, flat-man!  
  
Zelda: GRRRRR...  
  
Mr. GW: Bleep boop ping!!! Hahahaha!  
  
Jenny: (on cell) Is that allowed? It is? Alright, if you say so. (back to group) Ok, next would be Pikachu!  
  
Pikachu: Watch this, you floating loser!  
  
Mewtwo: Go, I'll get a better time than you!  
  
(Pikachu jumps and tries using Thunder to break the jacket, but shocks itself and tears the line, falling onto the trampoline. It's disqualified, and a time of 5:00 is added to Team Moloko.)  
  
Mewtwo: HAHAHA, oh you are SOOOO disqualified! HAHAHA!  
  
Jenny: Put up or shut up, Mewtwo, you're next.  
  
(Mewtwo gets tied up in the straight jacket, jumps, and starts to untie itself. It gets halfway through and then uses Confusion to make the rope fall down and make the finger at Pikachu. Mewtwo escapes with a time of 1:02.)  
  
Jenny: Great! Even if it was unconventional...but it was funny as bloody hell! HAHAHAHAHA! (recomposes) Anyway, next is Fox!  
  
Fox: Yeah, this is gonna be my chance to shine!  
  
(Fox is tied, jumps, and starts struggling with the rope. 3/4 of the way through, he twists his arm. It takes him a while to do it with one arm, but he gets down with a time of 2:03.)  
  
Fox: Shoot! My arm! Now I can't be Falco's pillow! HEAD FOR THE FALLOUT SHELTER, EVERYONE!!! Waaaaaaaaaaahaaahahaha! (runs away)  
  
Jenny: Oh well. He's such a drama queen. Or king. Or something. Erm...next is Peach!  
  
Peach: YAY!!! Cheer for me, Mario!  
  
(Peach jumps, but gets scared and cuts the line. 5:00 is added to Team Ulaho.)  
  
Mario: Jeez, woman! I need to be Houdini just to get away from you, and now you can't return the favor?! MAMMA FRIGGIN MIA!!!  
  
Jenny: Oh, maritial problems! This should be on Jenny Jones or some...er...um...er...LINK!  
  
Link: Oh boy! My turn!  
  
(Link is tied and thrown. He bites the rope off his hands, then grabs his sword and hacks away. He falls with a time of 00:56.)  
  
Zelda: Alright, honey! Go!  
  
Jenny: Bravo to our next winner! Kirby, step up to the plate!  
  
Kirby: Ha, I know all the knots! Prepare to lose!  
  
(Kirby is tied and dropped. He takes a couple minutes to think about it, but he gets out VERY fast. A so-so time of 2:48.)  
  
Jenny: Falco, you're next. Don't flip out or anything, ok?  
  
Falco: I don't like heights! I DON'T WANNA GOOO!!!  
  
Jenny: 5:00 to Team Moloko! Alright, Samus, show 'em how it's done!  
  
Samus: Yougotit! HowistheteainLondonisitlikecoffee?  
  
Jenny: A little...just get up there and jump!  
  
(Samus jumps and she wiggles around and slips out of the jacket. Everyone is staring blank eyed as the clock reads 00:15. Loud cheering comes from Team Ulaho.)  
  
Mario: WHOOOHOO! We're kickin' ass and takin' names! OH YEAH!  
  
Jenny: Well, things aren't looking good for Team Moloko... Ice Climbers, stir up some hope!  
  
Nana: You got it!  
  
Popo: Ye... (ZZZZAP) OUUUUUU FREAKIN CCCCCHHHH!  
  
Nana: Did I say you could speak?!  
  
Popo: No mistress! Sorry mistress!  
  
Nana: That's better. Now let's jump!  
  
(Nana and Popo jump. Nana is biting and Popo is tearing. Thanks to the teamwork, they recieve an excellent time of 00:42.)  
  
Nana: Wow, good job! I guess I could lower it to 5,000 volts, huh sweet? You're such a good doggie! Yes you are! Who's a good doggie? You are!  
  
(Popo shakes his head and smiles)  
  
Jenny: Aw, how touching...NEXT! DK, get your annoying, horse-juicing butt up there!  
  
DK: I DO NOT HORSE-JUICE!!!  
  
(DK jumps off and his steroid-induced bulk rips through the jacket, giving him a time of 00:03.)  
  
Mario: MAMMA MIA, GO DK!!! (The only reason I like you is because you stole my ex, Pauline!) I'm gonna love you!  
  
Jenny: Step up there and talk the talk, lasagne-breath.  
  
(Mario jumps. He turns into fire Mario, trying to reach the flower in his pocket Popeye style, and burns through the ropes. He comes down, doing the "V sign" as he looks at the clock: 00:15.)  
  
Mario: Beat that, Jerry Jr.!  
  
Pichu: PI PICHU!!!  
  
(Pichu jumps off the tower and tries as hard as it can to gnaw through the rope. Giving up, it uses Thunderbolt to tear through the ropes. 00:49.)  
  
Mario: Yes! How's that taste, Ratso?  
  
Pichu: PICHUU!!! (uses Skull bash on Mario)  
  
Jenny: Alright, with the combined times, Team Ulaho = 9:21, so they win! Now, the way this works is, each time a team wins, they get 10,000 dollars to put in their bank account. But that's not all! The person with the best time for each team wins a lifesaver, which mean they cannot be voted off. Team Ulaho, Mr. GW! Team Moloko, Zelda! Now, go back to your houses and contemplate about who you're gonna vote off.  
  
(Camera fades to the interior of the Ulaho house. Everyone is hugging and shaking hands with Mr. GW and DK.)  
  
Samus: Wow,youguyskickedsomeseriousass! Waytogo!  
  
Peach: Shut up, you didn't even cheer for me!  
  
Mario: You should be friends, like me and Mr. Finger! (tries to pick his nose, but pokes his eye instead) You have betrayed me for the last time, you meanie! (takes out a pair of scissors)  
  
(Camera fades away to the Moloko house. Pikachu is standind on top of a table with an army hat on.)  
  
Pikachu: Alright, maggots. You may have lost the battle, but we have not lost the war! Now, we will vote for DK because he is the strongest. They will probably vote for me, so if I leave, PICHU!!!  
  
(Pichu stands up with ketchup on it's mouth.)  
  
Pikachu: If I leave, you must take over. I hope I have trained you well. That is all.  
  
(Everyone claps. Camera focus-slides [a blurry slide] to the front door of each house. Team Ulaho's Shy Guy is holding a sign that says, "Falco". Team Moloko's Shy Guy is holding a sign that says "DK". Jenny comes and picks up the signs, then we go to commercials.)  
  
READERS: Who will go home? Will it be DK or Falco? Cast your vote for DK or Falco in the reviews, or in an E-mail at Metamidnight13wmconnect.com. Thank you and HURRY IT UP, WILL YA?! ;) 


End file.
